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The Dumb Tree Story
One day I was looking out my widow at this tree that was outside. It was a big tree, bigger then me anyway and I don't no what kind it was, I know it had leaves on it, anyway this round fury thing came up to me and said "hey man can you lend me a hand." Holy shit a talking emu at first I was like holy shit a talking emu. That was a first for me, I could see a talking bird but a talking emu that's not right. After sitting there for a bit the emu said something else " can I use your bathroom.At first I was like HOLY SHIT A TALK EMU, after that I let him in. I didn't know that emu use the bathroom I always thought they went in the woods to do that, I guess I was wrong, When he came out I side to the emu so you needed my help for something, and he was like oh ya my friend Joe stuck in a well and we need help to get him out. I was like that; sure ok I'll go help your friend. We started to walk to the old well at the end of the street, at this point I though that Joe was an emu but when we got there it was a whole different story. This big cow was sitting in a well, I looked at the cow then I look at the emu then back at the cow. What am I going to do it is a cow; I can't just pull a cow out of a well. I wanted to help but it was a cow the thing was huge so I did the only that would help. I went home, and I went back to the widow were I look at that tree until it was dark and I could see it anymore. That was the last day I look at that tree. The Lesson is don't talk to emu they just want you to get a cow out of a well.
THE END
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The Big Field
I was sitting in this big field, what I was doing there I don't no I just felt like sitting in a big field so BACK OFF, sorry about that. Well anyway I'm sitting in this field went this big rock came out of no were and hit me right on the back of my head. This came to a shock to me because there was no one a round me, so I want back to what I was doing. Now what was I doing it don't matter, then another big rock came flying at me again and hit me in the back of my head again. This just got to me these rocks were hitting in the head but when I look this time I saw this head go down in to a hole. I walk over there and saw this faces looking at me, K Man is that you, "no this is just a friendly ground hog." I know It's you why dont you get out of there, how did you get in there anyway, "It a long story" (see K Man and the Ground Hog Hole). Is anyone else in there with you, no just the ground hogs "get off of me" what was that K Man, "just a ground hog." It sounded like Fat Guy, " Ok he is here too" I don't want to know how he got in there, how long have you been in there, " give or take three day we lost count after two, can you get us out." Well Harry's not around and I'm not the smarts guy in the world, o could be but I am not good in that area but I think I can get you out of this hole let me just go home and get something, " when your there can you get a beer." Ya I think I'll do that, so I walk all they way home and had my self a beer like K Man said and go, get the thing that will get him out of the hole. I got to the field and yelled out MARKO and then lined "polo" the reason I did that was I for got were the hole was and they always say polo, see I was thinking. I ran over were I herd the polo and sure thing there they were " and where's my beer Normal Man" I didn't no you wanted one you said when your there can you get a beer and I said ya and that's what I did, when I was there I got a beer, now lets got you out of this hole. When I went back I thought of a way to get them out of the hole then it came to me water that's how I ill get the hose and get them out with water. "That's a good idea" K Man was I thinking out loud, damn that wasn't my plan at all the plan was for me to hit him with rocks for a bit and then he would jump out to beet me, the hose one sounds safer. So I put the hose down one of the ground hog hole and turn on the water, then when I was going to use plan B it worked K Man and Fat Guy went fly out of the hole. When they came to they thank me and they started walking back. So I through a rock at K Man, hey he did it first.
THE END
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K Man And the Ground Hog Hole
One day K Man and Monkey Man was Walking to a store if what to no what store Don't ask me I'm the one that herd it you would have to Ask K Man. I was a hot day and Monkey Man was trying to jump over this hole That was big as lets say a cow no not a cow more like a cat ya a cat well any Way right when he was going to make his jump K Man push him. The next thing They no is that Monkey Man was stuck in the hole and all you can see is his Butt and two feet sticking up in the air "Monkey Man are you ok in there" There something wrong with K Man when he is yelling it looks like he just went to The bathroom in his pants and just found out it smelt really bad but not as bad As Fat Man and are long lost friend Tall Evil Dude I could go hunting with There gas. I think I lost track now was I, oh ya his in the hole well Monkey Man yelled back "what do you think I'm in a hole, hey a peanut" well K Man Didn't no what to do someone was in a hole so he sat there and thought then he Came up with something, he saw this movie there was this dog that came and told This man that this kid name Timmy was in a well so he'll wait for a dog to come And the dog can go get help. He wait and wait until Monkey Man said, "Are you Going to pull me out or what well K Man being as smart as he is said "Hey I Didn't think of that" so he went up to the hole and started jumping on him. "What are you doing I said pull me out not jump on me" but he didn't here him And didn't stop until Monkey Man came lose and they both fell in the hole. So Here we have it two guys sitting in a hole that just got smaller from them Falling in and all the dirt closed in around them and the last thing anyone Heard from that hole until I came was "Were did you get that peanut.
THE END
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K Man And The Bagel
One day me and my friends you no them there the same guys that went to fun land, well any way we were siting in a ditch throught bagels at old men. K Man the guy that doesn't any that what an emu is had the biggest bagel you will ever see. So he got up and tosses that bagel as far as he could, then the old man did something we didn't think that an old man could do. He through the bagel right back at him and the last thing we knew the big bagel was stuck to K Mans noes. I sat there thinking he has a bagel on his noes, so we tried to think of a way to get it off his noes. When we could think of any K Man says "maybe we can hid it with a hat" I look at him and said I don't think a hat will work it covers the wring part of your head I think you ll. Need a ski mask. So I went to my house and got a ski mask we put it on his head. " Can you see it "side K Man hoping every thing was ok, well you cant see it but it looks like you have something to hide like a big bagel. So we sat there and thought and thought, the next week came and harry the smart one of the group said "lets just take it of his noes" we all thought that was the best idea yet so that's what we did.
THE END
Fat Guy And The Cow Tipping
One-day Fat Guy thought he would go to this cow that was sleeping, now he thought he this was the coolest thing on earth it was a cow and it was a sleeping on it feet. He went up to the cow and said as loud as he could "HEY COW YOU UP." he say there waiting for the cow to moo or something, that was funny this big guy standing there waiting for this cow to say something, but nothing, This made him really mad, the damn cow didn't say anything, I could of told him the cow wouldn't say anything but I wasn't there yet so. Fay Guy said to him if this cow wont's to sleep like everyone else so he went to tip the cow, this is were everything went wrong. He ran as far back as he could and put his should down and ran at the cow, ones he got to the cow he ran right in to it and fell right over like someone just said a sexy bich. Then on the way down he took out one of the cow's lags. Instead of the cow falling away from him the cow fell on him. This is when everyone else showed up. The first person to say something was Harry " you know it is easier to get milk in the day", shut up Harry he yelled from under the cow, can you guys get me out of here. We sat there looking at the cow " that's a cow we cant lift a cow there big and fat", how am I going to get out from here. I had to take the stand "what do we look like people how handle cow I don't think so." Then what am I going to do? "Wait till the cow gets up and were not waiting here all night for the cow to get up so see ya," so we walk away it wasn't the nice thing to do but it was a cow what can we do. The next day I herd this bang at the door and here was this cow at the door and I said what do you want cow and he said" Keep your kind out of our home were going to have to get the Fat Guy hole out and the next time I see him under me again Ill do more the fall on him". After the cow left I look at Fat Guy and said man you look like you were under a cow all night. That was the last we saw the cow.
THE END
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Fun Land
One day my friends and me lets call them Monkey Man, Harry Pothead, K Man, and The Fat Guy. We were walking somewhere I don't no let's say Fun land, so there were four guys walking to Fun land. As we were walking I was talking about the dream that I had that night, all I can remember is that I was say holy shit a talking emu. K Man walked up to me and said, "what's a emu" and I said what do I look like a guy who likes big birds. I don't no so stop asking me stuff. When we got to Fun land we found out we needed money, so we sat there and thought and thought, the next day Harry had an idea. " I can turn Monkey Man into a monkey and he can do Blinky's Drunken Monkey Dance for money," we thought this was the greatest idea, so that's what we did. When we got money for Fun land we went in, there was only one ride there and it was the round and round ride and we let The Fat Guy in first, we put the money in and he went around and around. Right then and there we realized that there was no such thing as Fun land and that we were just in a laundry mat and Fat that Guy was in a dryer. All well so we left... Fat Guy in the dryer
THE END
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Fun With Play-doh
When I was 8 I love to play with play-doh, or was that yesterday no wait it was yesterday, but I could have been 8 well anyway. I had my friend there, it was guy I new I forget who it was some guy. We were playing and the this small little man came out of know were, I said hay little dude what you doing I'm trying to make a play-doh pizza and your running all over it. "There's a big cat trying to get me lucky pants," said the little man, I was like so there a cat trying to get your pants off why is that they don't look that lucky they look like you ran under a dog at the wrong time. After I said that the little man gave me the finger and ran off, I was so mad the little basted ran all over my play-doh pizza and I never saw that little man again... What a minute I think that was yesterday but it wasn't me that it happen to I think that was the movie of the week no wait no that happen to me the only thing I don't get is are there PLAY-DOH PIZZAS cuz if there that's cool.
THE END
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